The Illusions of What You Think You Know
Updated: Jan 31
Take what resonates and leave the rest…
For so long now, I have operated under the illusion that I knew and understood many of the reasons my Twin Flame and I separated. And why shouldn’t I? It was this separation that catalyzed my spiritual awakening and journey. It is through that ascension journey that I’ve had years to consider what things needed to change in me so why wouldn’t I also consider what things were getting in his way, as well? I am embarrassed to say that I had a nice little compendium in my head of his character flaws that contributed to the downfall of our time together. Rest assured I am also well aware of my own faults, vices and weakness in comparison.
Over the last few years, Spirit has led me on a mini journey within my own larger path that opened my eyes to my Soul Connection’s point of view - the ways in which he saw the world, himself and even me. It was a beautiful and sometimes startling experience that has actually allowed me to open myself up more to the unconditional love I instinctively and intuitive feel for him. It has also allowed me to extend that unconditional love to see the light in complete strangers, as well - even those who are not shining so brightly at the moment.
But today I considered “what if I am wrong?”. What if I have held on too tightly to my little list of what I thought was giving meaning, understanding and even my own compassion, to someone else’s behavior? What if, even in my Spirit-led expansion of seeing things from his eyes, I still managed to box him in and box myself out? Or maybe it was me that I was boxing in… hmmm.
I realize that giving a face to my rejection from him - in the form of a diagnosis or a personality disorder, or whatever I was holding onto - helped me traverse the various aspects of my journey in relation to him (being ghosted, abandoned and even vilified), but I do not think it is going to help anymore. I have not spoken with my Twin Flame in the physical for over 2 years – his choice. He moved 5 states away and that kind of distance and silence has eventually changed my perspective. And that is the operative word here: perspective.
I may be right on the money with what I think happened between us but what does it really get me if I hold on to it? I am definitely grateful for the education and awareness Spirit gave me.
But it still doesn't represent who he really is. That little mini journey of seeing his situation through his eyes was valuable, however I can’t really know his heart and mind until he tells me himself.
And I think that is what Spirit was preparing me for. Being able to sit quietly, listen attentively from a place of compassion and genuine interest and patiently receive the rest of his story. It would be wonderful if that story came from the one I believe is my Twin Flame soul. But free will is a big factor in this journey so if he opts out maybe that connection of body, soul and spirit will come from another Divine Masculine who is awakening and breaking out of their slumber and illusion. Someone who has a similar vibration to my own and is ready to show value to and recognize his Divine Feminine complement.
However it comes in, I welcome it. My long journey - the one that taught me everything I needed to know about my DM's tortured heart and soul - just deposited me in a place where I realized I actually know nothing. And here’s the thing… I would really like to know. I’m also patient enough to wait for the messenger, the teacher and the companion to impart it. This is the place where we connect, the gateway to what feels like home – sharing vulnerability and establishing trust so that love can take root; the heart of our relevance to one another and to the divine within us.
By turning my illusions on their head, I feel like I have cleared out some old energies and have given rise to a newness within me. I am released from thinking about whatever he did - and whatever I did - and able to live in what I’m doing now and where I’m going with it. As for him, I’m able to trust and believe that he can figure things out for himself and that God is guiding him whether he knows it or not. From the start, I have always only wanted healing for him. If he comes back to tell me about his journey one day, I will actually be able to marvel in what that healing looks like. What a golden blessing that will be to both of us.
I'd love to say to him, “You go do you, my fabulous friend. My whole life changed because of you and I am grateful. If you can sort through your own Dark Nights of the Soul as I have, this world will definitely be a better place for the love of self and others that we have opened into it.”
Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len, who formulated the Hawaiian practice of Ho’oponono, gave us some great little prayers of transmutation. In article on the web page, Hooponopono Miracle the most famous of these prayers is highlighted. "These simple phrases have tremendous power. They contain the power of repentance, forgiveness, transmutation, and gratitude, to erase and transmute any limiting memories or beliefs." Additionally, "...by practicing the Ho'oponopono Mantra “I love you, I’m Sorry, Please forgive me, Thank You” we are cleaning the programs in ourselves that are preventing us from being at the pure state of love, the zero state, where there are no limits. You can just say the phrases, but if you really FEEL them, you will get results a lot faster."
I've been holding myself and my soul connection up to a list of values that are really nothing more than an illusion. I know how this has affected me and I can only guess at how it has energetically affected him. I choose to transcend those limiting beliefs to prepare a space to welcome in the higher vibrating versions of ourselves, to open up the higher heart chakra, the door of reunion or whatever God reveals as the next steps for the two of us, together or apart. I release us both and clear it all out. So here goes... Dear Cowboy~
I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. _______________________________________________________________________________
Seems obvious but there’s something you should know. I’m not a medical or psychological professional so anything I write and publish comes from my own experiences. I share these experiences to help others open their mind and think a bit. It’s not a substitute for sound medical and psychiatric advice from a professional - just a laywoman looking for understanding and reporting on what she found at this point on her journey. We all need spiritual guidance as much as we need medical help so use your discernment to get what you need when you need it.
And in my MeWe Group: Bent To Balanced
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