Do You Feel Like You Are The Person You Were Created To Be?
Updated: Jan 16
Ever been a relationship or friendship with someone who expected the worst? They expected the relationship would fail… and they made it happen. They expected betrayal… and then they made it happen. Sure, they might have been expecting that YOU were the one who would betray THEM but their focus wasn’t really on you – it was on how they felt when someone else from the past betrayed them. They wrapped themselves up in the fear of experiencing that pain of abandonment and lack of self-worth so much so that they personally created the same kind of circumstance where hurt and betrayal played out once again – except this time, they created it themselves and wreaked that horrible pain into your world. Maybe they thought they were protecting themselves and pushed you away, ghosted you. That being where their mind went, then that was where the relationship went -because they never learned to let go of old hurts. What we hold on to, we manifest for ourselves. Think about it.
I wrote that first paragraph about a month before I finished this blog. Back then I had no idea just how much I was writing about me, myself and I. And it wasn’t until a dear friend sat me down and shared a few insights she had gathered about the ways I was talking about myself and others, that I began to see exactly what kind of situations I had been unknowingly manifesting for myself. She used a Qi Gong technique, gently leading me in our conversation to think about what I was saying, how I was feeling as I was speaking about it and what other thoughts or pictures came into my mind while I was expressing myself.
At the time that I was talking with my friend, I couldn’t figure out why I had physically been so alone for so very long. I had few friends over the last 6 years and no romantic relationships either. Our conversation started because I was telling her about how much I had enjoyed myself at a party but yet how distant I still felt from the people I laughed with, danced with and got to know while there. I enjoyed their company and was grateful for the few hours of fun we all had together, but I was viewing them from behind a wall of suspicion that didn’t really need to be there. I instinctively knew, that within myself, I was pushing people away, but I couldn’t figure out what was motivating it. Turns out, it was good, old-fashioned fear - fear of being hurt – of feeling unacceptable and not valued by others. Fear of realizing and feeling that I don’t matter. After all, why should I believe that someone actually found me engaging enough to entertain a new friendship or something more? With women, I was suspicious of their capacity for betrayal of my confidences and with men, I was afraid they would throw abusive words at me and toss me to the curb. This also motivated my habit of “over-giving” – working just a bit too hard to be generous, welcoming and friendly. It’s a typical trait that’s found in the Distorted Feminine. And like many deep rooted, psychological fears, it was grounded in my childhood.
At a very young age, I decided that my mother was too concerned with housekeeping, appearances and hollering at us when we messed up the house and that somehow meant that I was unacceptable. My behavior, my wants and who I was, wasn’t needed or valued. Of course, I look back on this as an adult and I can see that while my mom enjoys having a healthy control over her environment, she was never overly abusive and certainly never cruel to me or my siblings. She was loving, provided a good foundation and a safe and secure home for us. In fact, my folks have been my greatest blessing alongside of my children.
It was my child(ish) perspective and perceptions and inability to see myself fully that led to these inaccurate ideas about myself and had little to do with my mom. Pile on to that a lifetime of experiences that we all walk through at some point – our secrets being told, humiliation, disappointment and such - that solidified my fears of abandonment, of feeling un-valued, and it really started messing with every situation and every relationship I found myself in. Spirit walks us through these lessons to teach us the value of guarding our heart. Funny that those experiences meant for my good actually compounded my problem but then ultimately freed me from it, as well.
I’m not an expert in the Hindu religion but I am aware of the concept of Samsara. An article from Georgetown University’s Berkley Center states that, “In Hindu and Buddhist practice, samsara is the endless cycle of life and death from which adherents seek liberation. In Hinduism, the prominent belief is that samsara is a feature of a life based on illusion (maya). Illusion enables a person to think s/he is an autonomous being instead of recognizing the connection between one's self and the rest of reality. Believing in the illusion of separateness that persists throughout samsara leads one to act in ways that generate karma and thus perpetuate the cycle of action and rebirth. By fully grasping the unity or oneness of all things, the believer has the potential to break the illusion upon which samsara is based and achieve moksha—liberation from samsara.”
Recognizing that my 5-year old self was presenting an illusion that my 52-year-old self was still adhering to was my liberation from this karmic cycle that I had unwittingly created for myself. And in doing so, I can see that because of my willingness to embrace my journey of Spiritual Awakening, I have learned to guard my heart and have no reason to be afraid of what others will say or do. In my own hard earned and recently achieved wholeness, I recognize that someone else's pain is their own and maybe my role in their life is not only to realize what I can become but to help them realize what they can become as well.
“Until you change your thinking, you will always recycle your experience.” I got that from a very wise meme on Facebook. But, let’s be real here, there’s no easy way to walk through the minefield of your mind and spirit – it takes hard work to change. And once you get to that point of really changing the way you think, act and perceive this world and yourself, it can actually be a little frightening to walk forward out of the fear, grief, sadness, loneliness and even the frustration that blanketed your experience for so long. Shedding that layer (or layers) is uncomfortable and extremely unfamiliar.
Make the leap anyway.
You know what it felt like to be wrapped up in your dark stuff and you know you don’t want to go back to it. What lies ahead feels better, you can see it in your minds eye as something bright, beautiful and welcoming. You can feel the warmth from it that calls to your heart.
Walk towards it.
Take baby steps if that’s what works for you but just keep allowing it to penetrate and rest in the spots where you used to hold fear. Let it glow and warm you from the inside. Allow it to lift you up and make you laugh.
Here’s my parting thought- and keep in mind that I’m not a psychological professional just a Laywoman and a Human Being who is sharing a bit of wisdom she picked up along the way…
Do you feel like you are the person you were created to be? If not, shame researcher Brene Brown puts it this way... “get over all of your shit because it’s later than you think.” Do the things that keep your mind right, your heart straight and your soul strong. Call in (energetically or literally) the people who support you in this effort – your soul tribe, your soul family - and when they show up, nurture those relationships with them. Listen to them and consider their insights and observations of you. And be sure to do the same for them – in the kindest and most loving ways – to help them grow and learn, too.
Step out of the fear cage you’ve found yourself in. The lock on that cage isn’t on the outside where everybody else is. Until you figure out that you are the only one who holds that key to freedom, you will stay locked up forever – unhappy, embodying a wandering energy that bounces from relationship to relationship at work, with friends, children and lovers, quite often leaving drama and unhappiness in your wake.
So once again, I ask you to consider if you feel like you are the person you were created to be.
Well… do you?
And in my MeWe Group: Bent To Balanced
Also on YouTube: Bent To Balanced